Vampire Days
by gopie
Summary: Wesley is a vampire and in their attempt to reensoul him, an accident happens. HAH. COMPLETE!
1. I'm Calling Him Wesley

Summary: Wesley is a vampire and in their attempt to re-ensoul him, an accident happens.

Chapter 1: I'm calling him… Wesley.

"We're back, Wes."

Fred, along with Gunn and Angel, came down the stairs into the basement where Wesley was being held. As they reached the ground floor, they were greeted with dead silence, but they knew that in its confines was a predator.

It happened two days ago; there was a nest and as always they went to wipe it out. Gunn and Angel were fighting off their own group of vamps and didn't notice that more vampires were hiding in the shadows and ambushed Wesley. It was a while before they realised that he was missing and when they finally found him in a locked room and dusted the vampires, it was already too late. Wesley lay dead on the floor with two puncture holes on his neck - he was turned.

When they brought him back, the others were shocked. But their conflicted emotions were immediately silenced when Angel suggested - ordered - that they re-ensoul him, and in the meantime lock him in the cell in the basement that they constructed to previously hold Angelus. He refused to let Wesley experience his first kill and afterwards the guilt when he gets his soul back.

That was two days ago. They've been feeding him pig's blood and Angel knew that it was not great in terms of nourishment and expected him to reject it the first time and demand human blood but surprised them all when he silently accepted it with no complaints. But his eyes always held deeper emotions.

"Hey, Wes; we've got you some more blood." Fred said. She put the glass on the floor just in front of the bars and moved back. For a while, nobody did anything as Wesley just sat there in his dark silence. But finally, he moved.

He got up and walked up slowly to the glass and into the light, stopping only inches in front of it. Wesley was a bit paler than a vampire should be – due to the lack of human blood to drink, Angel knew -, his clothes were the ones he wore that fateful night and curiously, he was wearing his glasses. His request for them one night confused Angel as vampires naturally have near perfect vision but he complied anyway. Now he knew. Angel sensed a cold, calculating mind in his casual demeanor and almost shuddered.

Never leaving his eyes from them, Wesley bent down to pick up the glass and slowly held it up to touch his lips. He stared at them as he drank and Fred had to look away from the burning intensity of his sharp blank stare. Even then she could still feel his eyes. Gunn tightened his jaw, forcing himself to endure the scene. Watching Angel drink was nothing compared to watching Wes. With Angel you knew where it came from, but with Wes the eerie feeling crawls into your skin and makes you want to draw your own blood – it was like watching him drink like it was yours and he's loving every bit.

Wesley drank two more fills before he stopped. He licked the stray drops from his upper lip as he brought it away from his face. But instead of putting the glass back down, he held it outstretched past the bars and just behind the red line. He looked at Angel.

"Aren't you going to take it?"

Angel came up to him cautiously. All this while, Wesley was compliant, but that didn't mean that he didn't have something up his sleeves. Wesley's blank expression gave nothing away as he slightly tilted his head, watching Angel's every move. Angel reached up to it and took it from him, his fingers brushing lightly against Wesley's.

Wesley smiled and moved further into the cell.

Angel handed the glass back to Fred and said "Let's get this over with." Fred put it down on a nearby table and they quickly got to work. Wesley watched them curiously as they took out the ingredients and laid them on the floor in order. As they reached the final stage in the spell, no one saw the accidental dip of an extra beetroot leaf from someone's pocket into the mixture. The final words were chanted and a willowy smolder made its way languidly from the mixture towards Wesley. As it touched him, it expanded into a cloud of smoke, getting into everyone's lungs and obstructing their visions.

As Gunn coughed he said "Are you sure you did it right? I don't remember smoke when we had to do Angelus."

"It's a different spell." Angel answered him, but already he was beginning to have his doubts.

Fred waved away the smoke with a smile "Everything's ok now, Wes. You've got your soul now and you can go back to being...," as the smoke dissipated, they finally saw him clearly and Fred finished with, "... a kitty?" They looked at the tiny paws, pointy ears and furry body.

"This... is definitely not right." Gunn said.

Wesley looked up at them blinkingly, "Miaow."


	2. Hello Kitty?

**Chapter 2: Hello Kitty?**

Something's wrong.

Wesley watched as the white smoke dissipate and tried to stand up but found that every time he did, he ended up losing his balance. His whole body felt awkward and it was actually easier to stay on all fours. When he finally saw the faces of his friend, he frowned. They looked awfully huge, which they shouldn't be, even from all the way down there. Fred was speaking about him having his soul back when she paused and said something absurd.

_What? Kitty? He wasn't_… Wesley looked at himself and finally registered his feline appearance. He looked back up at them, blinking rapidly in shock.

"Miaow." _Oh bugger._

------------

"Don't worry, Wes. We'll find out what went wrong."

They were in the lobby trying to figure out what exactly went wrong. For the past twenty minutes, Fred had Wesley snuggled comfortably in her arms while stroking his fur although Wesley was too confused to notice the intimacy of the situation.

"Where did you say you got this spell?" Gunn asked Angel.

"It was… some magician guy." Angel said. "He was recommended!" He added, off Gunn's look. Then, dejectedly, "After some convincing on my part. Do you think that was the problem?"

Before Gunn could answer back, the front doors opened dramatically and Cordelia strode in. "Hey everyone, I'm back. Ooh, who's this little cutey-patootey?" She walked up to Wesley and plucked him out of Fred's arms. Fred let out a small "Um, Cordy" but she was too busy cooing at him. Wesley, for his part, just took it looking dazed.

"Ok, weird kitty – I didn't know they could look like that."

"It's Wesley." Fred told her.

"Yeah, and I think you've snuggled him enough." Gunn said.

Cordelia looked shocked. "I didn't know he had a cat. Poor kitty was left all alone in his apartment all this time?"

"Not _Wesley's_ – Wesley. It's him." Fred corrected her.

"What are you talking about?" Cordelia said confusedly. "Wesley's down in the basement…"

Angel cut in. "No, it's really him. The spell backfired and…"

"Oh my god! Wes?" Cordelia lifted him up to eye level and stared at his eyes. They were as blue as his.

All Wesley could say was, "Miaow."

------------

Wesley recalled his childhood days when his mother would warn him against being naughty or she would turn him into a little toad. She wasn't joking; she carried the spell prepared in her purse. He couldn't help but feel that this was some sort of a punishment.

He was suddenly moved from Fred's arms to Cordelia's. He was lifted to stare at her eyes and suddenly he found inspiration.

_Research! A time like this would always call for research._

Feeling renewed with energy, Wesley struggled in Cordelia's arms. _Put me down_, he said, _I need to research this_. After a while, Cordelia got the idea and let him down. He instantly rushed to the office to start when he realised that in no way was he able to get to the books. He jumped up to them – this is amazing! – but all he succeeded to do was make little scratches on the bindings.

"Miaaaaoooow." _Oh bloody hell, this isn't working._

Just then Fred came in and realised what he was doing. "What do you need, Wesley?" she said as she came up to the bookcase.

"Miaow" _Oh, Fred. Thank god. I need The Compendium Of…, _he realised that it wasn't titled, at least in English, and finished,_ it's the green one. _

"This one?" Fred held out a book. It was wrong.

_No, the one on the left to it, the left. _"Miaow! Miaaaaooow!"

"This?"

"Miaow." _Yess!_

Wesley jumped up and down in excitement and Fred could barely contain her laugh. "Oh, so this snicker, uh, this is it? I'll just uh cough leave it on the desk. Can you open it?"

Wesley jumped on top of the table to where she put down the book and opened it using all his weight. He stared at the letters for a while and gave up.

_Oh, I can't read this. I need my glasses._

Wesley jumped off the table past Fred and the others and into the basement.

------------

"Ok, what happened here? Yeah, the spell backfired, but how? How can it backfire?"

"Mr. Genius here got the spell off someone playing bad cop, crazy cop." Gunn said.

"Hey," Angel said. "I wasn't-"

At that moment Wesley passed by casually and all conversation stopped. He said 'miaow' – like as if saying 'don't mind me, carry on.' – and went into the basement.

"I think we should get Willow." Cordelia said after a few moments.

Angel immediately turned to her. "No, I don't want to be always dependant on her every time we're in a magical ditch. That's why we did this without her."

"And that's why we now have a kitten instead of a human Wesley." She argued. "Any of this getting through that thick skull of yours?"

Just then Wesley returned from the basement. He repeated the 'miaow', this time muffled because he had one end of a pair of glasses in his mouth, and went into the office. They were silent as they watched him go. Cordelia broke the silence.

"This is one thing I never thought I'd say about Wesley but… my-god-he-is-so-cute-as-a-little-kitty!" she said quickly.

The others agreed.

------------

Wesley tried putting the glasses on but eventually gave up as they now were too big for him. He pushed them onto the book and peered from behind them, trying to get a good angle every time he moved a paragraph. It went on like this for a while before Fred entered carrying a tray.

"Hi, Wes. I brought you something. Well, I didn't know what you wanted since you're, you know, so I brought you tea and… milk." Wesley looked at it curiously as she placed it on the table beside him. Milk?

_Of course I'll have the tea. Just because I'm a cat, doesn't mean_… _milk it is then._

Wesley lapped it up once, then twice, and then sang 'happy happy joy joy' in his mind as he drank with glee. It was a while before he remembered that Fred was still in the office and by then she had this strange look in her face. A happy look. A happy isn't-that-just-so-adorable look. Wesley faked a cough and returned to his research.

It was twenty minutes in and he was alone in the office when he found that he needed to cross-reference with another book. Wesley gave out a big yawn and rubbed his face.

_Hm, where's that… _Wesley got off the table and looked back up to the bookcase. _It's not here, _he whined, _where… Ah, yes. I brought it to my apartment last week. I'll just go and get it._

Wesley ran from the office, out the lobby and headed outside. Gunn was just coming back from somewhere and had the front doors open. Just then Cordelia and Fred came back from the kitchen and saw Wesley running.

"Wesley, wait!" Fred said, but he was already out the doors. Gunn went after him and caught him just at the junction before the street.

------------

"He's… out in the sun." Fred said, as she watched Gunn struggle with Wesley so seemed anxious to go somewhere else.

"And why do you sound disappointed?" Cordelia asked.

"Well, I kinda thought… well, this is silly now, but I thought he'd still be vampire."

Angel walked up to her. "Actually, you're right. Why isn't he? A spell like that shouldn't be able to just remove his vampirism. It's…"

"Impossible?" Cordelia put in. They watched as Gunn finally calmed Wesley down and walked towards the hotel.

As soon as they entered, Cordelia gave him a lecture about not going off on his own, and then, struck by a revelation, suggested that since Wesley will be staying like this for some time, they should really get him a collar. Wesley hissed at the idea but Gunn told him all the dangers of being a stray cat and eventually he was defeated and sulked in the office.

The day turned into night and still their research lead them nowhere. It turned dark enough for Angel to be able to go out so he left to go in search of his magician. Cordelia, Gunn and Fred didn't have much to do after that so they hung out in the lobby.

As the humans were talking outside, a tiny '_poof_' sound came from the office where Wesley was.

Author's note: Thanks to all those who reviewed – love ya lots! I know "miaow" is actually spelled "meow" but I'll spell it however I dang please, so there! (Actually, nobody complained about that but my Word programme just keeps underlining it in red.)

**Next chapter: **Wesley undergoes another transformation.


	3. Devious Reflection

**The story so far: **Kitty!Wes was researching when suddenly there was a 'poof'. Haaa

**Chapter 3: Devious Reflection**

"Hey, Wes. Are you still in there?"

Gunn went into the office to get Wes but found that he wasn't on the table anymore. He walked further inside and looked around, shuffling through Wesley's recent research, when he heard the door shut with a bang.

He turned around. "Hey, Wes. What are you-?" But he never had time to finish his sentence when he was suddenly attacked.

--------------------

"-And then he was like 'it's not you, it's me'. Like anyone would believe that."

"So… are we still talking about Mark and Janie or is this that other show?" Fred asked.

Cordelia looked at her. "Weren't you listening? We stopped talking about that like five minutes ago. This is about that Joe guy and Marissa."

"Oh," Fred said, although she still looked confused. Cordelia sighed in surrender, knowing that talking about current pop culture would just be lost on the tiny Texan. She looked at her watch and huffed.

"Why's Gunn taking so long?"

As if on cue, Gunn rushed out of the office and slammed the door behind him, leaning on it to stop whatever was on the other side from coming out. Fred and Cordelia looked at him with surprise.

"Gunn, what-!"

"Wes bit me!" He showed them his bloody forearm. They came closer to see it and, true to his word, there was a tiny bite where the drops of blood were oozing.

"Huh?" Fred said, getting even more confused.

Cordelia however, took charge. She nudged Gunn out of the way. "Move over, let me through."

"Cordy…" But Cordelia ignored him and went into the office. Fred and Gunn came in after her and they looked around warily. There seemed to be nothing out of place.

"Wesley?" Cordelia called. She peeked around corners and under the table but couldn't find him anywhere.

Fred started to say, "Maybe we should-"

Suddenly, something flew at Cordelia from the top of the bookcase with a loud screeching noise. Startled, reflex made Cordelia catch it mid-air as it struggled it her arms.

"Wesley?" She said when she realised it was him. But when he finally looked at her, she was shocked. His eyes were no longer the clear blue that they previously were but a foreign gold, just like a vampire's, and even his fur was tinted with a bit of silver.

Wesley tried to scratch her but the angle of her hold prevented him. Gunn and Fred came closer and also saw the change.

"Release me, human." Came the tiny commanding voice.

"Hey, Wes can talk!" Fred said happily. The others were also surprised at this new discovery, until he spoke again.

"I'll drain you dry and wipe my feet on your pitiful corpse."

Fred stopped smiling. "…Huh." She turned to Gunn. "I think I like it better when he's not."

After a while Wesley stopped struggling when he saw that it was useless, but still shot them daggered looks and even growling every now and then.

"I think we should call Angel." Gunn suggested, and went to do just that.

"Good idea," Cordelia said, as she held Wesley at arm's length and walked out of the office, "he should know. Somehow, Wes has turned into evil vampire kitty… that can talk."

--------------------

"Can someone else hold him now? My arms are getting tired." Fred said. Gunn took Wesley from her, though not without incurring a few scratches from him. They didn't have anything to tie him to – Angel was getting a leash on his way -, and no cage either – although, for obvious reasons, they would still disagree to that even if they did have one – so opted for alternate Wes-holding. Every time he was changed hands though, he would struggle and let out very creative curses, not all in the English language.

"Man, Wes. Calm down." Gunn said. Wesley had already bit him a second time – which is how they knew that he drinks blood, not milk as he previously had – and Gunn wasn't too keen on a third.

Suddenly, Wesley stopped moving altogether. He was completely motionless and had even stopped breathing.

"Uh, Wes?" Gunn shook him gently but still he was immobile. Gunn started to panic and shouted. "Guys, something's wrong with Wes!"

As they came running towards him, Gunn loosened his hold of Wesley.

Wesley opened his eyes instantly. This was his chance.

"Ah! Freedom!" He screeched in his raspy cartoonish voice. He jumped off the table and was halfway across the lobby before any of them realised what was happening. The front doors were opened as Angel entered and Wesley tried to rush past him. However, Angel caught him just in time and Wesley struggled to be let down.

"Hey, Wes. Whoa, easy; they told me-"

"Let go of me, half-breed!" Wesley hissed. Angel was taken aback, although he already knew that he could talk from what Gunn told him earlier. It did sound like Wesley, just… squeaky… er.

"Geez - you know, you're nastier as evil vampire kitty." He said, ignoring Wesley's request as he walked further into the hotel lobby. He returned Wesley to Gunn and took out his purchases.

"Hey, you got him a collar!" Cordelia said, taking it from him.

"Yeah, but no tag. It's just for the leash." Angel told her.

Cordelia held it up and frowned. "Angel…it's in pink."

Angel quickly took it from her. "Oh, um… they had nothing else and I had to rush." Cordelia nodded slowly as if she didn't believe him but accepted the explanation anyway.

Angel turned to Wesley and smiled as he attached the collar on him. "There you go, gorgeous."

Wesley scowled.

--------------------

"So did any of you see what happened?" Angel asked Cordelia and Fred.

"No – one second he was happily researching away and the next he was cursing demonic threats." Cordelia said. They turned to look at Wesley who was tied to the pillar near the stairs with Gunn keeping him company.

"Do you think this is part of the spell that we didn't know about?" Cordelia asked.

Angel shrugged. "Maybe."

--------------------

Wesley was laying his head on his paws when he peered lazily at Gunn and said, "Yo, bald head."

Gunn frowned at him. "Who are you calling bald head, whiskers?"

Wesley stretched languidly as he stood before he sneered. "Ooh, whiskers. Did you think that all up by yourself, egg boy?

"You know…" Gunn started to say. "Whatever. I'm not gonna take this from a cat." Gunn got up from where he was sitting on the stairs and walked towards the others.

"Yeah, walk away," Wesley said. "pansy-ass."

Gunn stopped and glared at Wesley. "Hey, _you're_ ass is pansy."

"No, my ass is naked." He turned around. "And it's pointing at your…"

--------------------

"How's Wes doing?" Angel asked.

"Quiet. After that whole thing with Gunn" Cordelia glowered at him who just grumbled back. "There's been hardly a peek."

"Hey, he had it coming to him." Gunn said.

"And yet you're the one with all the bruises." Wesley shouted, hearing the conversation.

Angel gave a little chuckle to which he received a glare from Gunn. "Hey, you against a cat."

Gunn grumbled. "He cheated."

--------------------

"Hey, Angel. What are you thinking about?" Cordelia asked, seeing his far away look.

Angel leaned on the counter and said contemplatively, "Did you guys notice that vampire cat Wes is a bit…"

"Evil?" Gunn said.

"Manic?" Cordelia put in.

"Childish." Angel finished. "Not like the human vampire Wes."

"Maybe he's regressed." Cordelia said. "You know, the smaller brain."

But Angel wasn't listening. "Do you guys hear something?" Angel asked them suddenly. They tried to hear for the source of the sound when their eyes finally rest upon Wesley.

His voice increased slowly as he chanted, "Arava der biem tu ta amen-"

"Hey, I know that spell…" Angel frowned as he tried to remember what it was.

"-var ta'ala mortu vi'tirash ii-"

Angel said slowly, "Yeah, it's for turning people into…" his eyes widened. "Somebody, stop him!"

Cordelia got it instantly. "Wes, stop!"

But he continued, getting louder. "-Devvra catl-"

"Or no more blood!" She threatened.

"-di'a… whatever." Wesley slumped down onto the floor and ignored them as if nothing happened. After a few confused seconds, Gunn turned to Angel.

"What was he going to do?"

"You don't want to know." Angel told him. "Just be thankful he didn't finish the spell."

Gunn was quiet for a moment before he asked "Why do I suddenly have a craving for carrots?"

Angel patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, it'll wear off. Just… stay away from the garden for a while."

--------------------

"Did you find that magician guy?" Cordelia asked Angel a while later.

"No. After my visit, he's been MIA." he answered.

"What's Wes doing now?" Gunn asked as he joined them. Cordelia and Angel looked at him and sure enough, Wesley was doing something weird. He was facing them and was repeatedly lifting up his right paw for as long as possible before losing his balance and doing it again.

"It looks like he's trying to point at something." Cordelia said.

"Well, whatever - at least he's behaving."

--------------------

Fred came down the stairs and saw Wesley in the middle of his paw-lifting. She sat next to him and asked sweetly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm attempting the finger." He said matter-of-factly.

"Oh…." she got up. "I'll leave you to it then."

"Much appreciated."

--------------------

"It'll be dawn soon." Cordelia noted.

"And we still haven't figured out what's happening to Wesley, or how to fix it." Fred said dejectedly. "And he's getting restless too."

Sure enough, Wesley was pacing agitatedly back and forth. "Useless humans; I will kill you in your sleep, invade your dreams with atrocious nightmares, rain down nightly terror, tear your flesh from your bones and drench the earth with your mortal blood."

"Yeah? I'd like to see you try." Gunn told.

"Oh, I will." Wesley said. "But I don't feel like it right now."

"Huh, knew you were all talk."

Wesley growled. "Maybe I should turn back human right now so I can start with you!

Angel was confused and immediately asked "What are you talking about?"

Wesley scoffed. "About turning back? Oh, I know this spell you all are trying to figure out, and I know how I can turn back human – sans the soul and more powerful. All I have to do is say," – '_poof' – _"Miaow."

* * *

**Author's note: **MIA – missing in action. 


	4. Mine!

**The story so far: **Wesley turned into evil vampire kitty! How? Towards the end, evil kitty!Wes let slip that he can turn human at will – without the soul – but before he can reveal his evil plan, the '_poof' _came again. Hee

**Chapter 4: Mine!**

It was like being in a dream-like state. He couldn't really register what was going on around him. One second he was peacefully researching and the next, this. Strangely, it felt like cotton candy all over.

-----------------------

The others were shocked. While Wesley was in mid-sentence, a very audible 'poof' sounded followed by a tiny cloud of smoke around him. When it dissipated, they saw to their amazement that Wesley's eyes have turned blue again and even the tainted silver on his fur was gone.

"Wesley?" Cordelia said.

Wesley looked up at them innocent-eyed. "Miaow?"

"You're back!" Fred said happily as she went to unleash him and snuggle him tightly in her arms.

"At least as a cat – he's still not human, though." Gunn put in.

"Wes, do you know how to turn back?" Angel asked. Wesley looked at him and gave a freaky shake of the head. Angel frowned and said, "Do you remember what happened earlier?" Wesley shook his head again.

"So, Wes came only look cute while his evil twin is the actual genius?" Cordelia said. "Don't give me that look, Wes."

-----------------------

Wesley resented that Cordy said he was good for just being adorable. _So I can't speak – it's not like you can speak cat so nyeh! _Wesley stuck out his tongue and snuggled up closer in Fred's arms in a sulk. That is, until he realised he was face close to boobies so, as a proper gentleman should do, scrambled to get away from them as fast as possible.

-----------------------

Fred gave a little sad face when Wesley jumped out of her arms and ran towards the reception area.

"You can snuggle me." Gunn suggested, for which he received a light slap. "I wasn't kidding." He mumbled, slightly dejected.

"Well, it's already starting to get light…" Angel said.

"That's it!" Cordelia exclaimed suddenly.

"What's it?" Gunn asked.

"It's dawn!"

"Dawn's doing this?" Angel asked with surprise.

"No, dawn – as in the sun's coming up." Cordelia said.

They were slow to catch up but finally Fred smiled and said, "Oh! So it's like, Wesley's a normal cat during the day and a vampire kitty at night?"

"Exactly!"

"Ok, now we when Hyde comes out, what are we going to do about it?" Gunn asked. They looked at Wesley who had jumped on the tabletop and was sniffing at their leftover Chinese before giving a little sneeze.

"Maybe we should think about that after we've all actually got some rest." Angel said. Then in a whisper he said, "Who's going to…?" He indicated with his head towards Wesley.

"I'll take him!" Cordelia said rather enthusiastically. Off their looks, she said, "We have to go shopping anyway. Get him the name tag, remember? Oh, that reminds me." She held out her hand to Angel and he took out his wallet, grumbling about not remembering anything about this in the benefits package. Holding up the credit card with a mega watt smile on her face, she said, "Don't worry, maybe this time I'll put some fashion sense into him." Wesley's head piped up and he had that deer in the headlights look, or cat that was about to be road kill.

"That's what we're afraid of." Mumbled Gunn.

-----------------------

Cordelia entered the pet store with Wesley trotting beside her. As she went to get the attention of the store owner, Wesley did a little exploring of his own. He was walking through the maze of display cases when something caught his eye. Wesley stopped in his tracks and slowly went up to it.

It was a collar. Leather-made, sleek and not too thick, it seemed to call out to him. Wesley stood in awe at its intricately hand-woven design; simple yet elegant.

_Wear me…_it said. Wesley purred softly, his nose pushed up against the display.

_Yes, yes…_ "Miaow."

"Wesley." Cordelia called out. Wesley was snapped out of his reverie and looked at it longingly before reluctantly going to her, leaving a triangle-shaped imprint on the glass. She tapped the counter tabletop and Wesley jumped up and sat up as straight as he could.

"You have a very well-trained cat there, ma'am." The store owner commented.

"Of course! He's British." Cordelia said with a smile.

Just then, a very frail looking old woman entered the shop, dragging along a man in uniform. "There she is! She stole Warlock!"

In the confusion, Wesley moved closer to Cordelia and she held him in her arms. "What are you talking about?" Cordelia demanded.

"I'm sorry, miss. But this lady here seems to think that you've taken her cat." Said the uniformed man.

"Seem to? I know it's him!" said the old woman. She fussed around her bag and took out papers and a picture. "I've had 'im for years and he'd gone missin' fer two weeks. This is his ownership paper an' a picture right here."

She showed it to Cordelia who saw that it did look like Wesley. "So? It's the same breed. Doesn't mean it's the same cat. This is Wesley." Cordelia said, holding Wesley even more protectively in her arms.

The uniformed man said, "Okay. Maybe we should…"

"No, I have proof!" the woman said, not wanting to give up. "Warlock's got a birthmark on his left back paw an' it looks like a little duck."

Cordelia put Wesley down on the countertop to show them. "Well, Wesley doesn't…" When she finally looked down, she was surprised to find that there, on Wesley's back paw, was a strange marking that seemed remarkably like a duck.

"Aha!" the woman said. "I knew it! That's my Warlock!"

Cordelia tried to deny it. "No, that's not a duck. It looks more like a… baby! Slightly deformed."

"I'm sorry, miss. You must've just found the little critter wandering but I suggest you return him to this lady here." The man said.

The woman had a smug look on her face and took Wesley who struggled vigilantly in her arms. "Miaow!"

"Poor Warlock – he always gets this cranky when he doesn't get his treats." She said. She opened the small cage that she was holding and put Wesley in it before moving to leave the shop.

Cordelia panicked as she watched Wesley being whisked away. "No! You're wrong, that's Wesley!"

"Ma'am, I suggest you calm down." The man said.

"But Wesley's…"

"Before I bring you in for pet-napping." The man warned. Cordelia was helpless as she watched through the pet store glass doors Wesley being put in the woman's car and driven off to a stranger's home.

-----------------------

"She took Wesley!"

Cordelia stormed into the Hyperion a frantic mess with puffed up cheeks and red eyes that showed that she had been crying on her way to work.

Angel hurriedly went to her side and comforted her before asking, "Cordelia, what? Who took Wesley?"

"That woman in the pet store!" Cordelia rambled, "She had papers and everything! It's Wesley's stupid fault for looking exactly as her cat! She even brought an animal police guy into it!"

At that moment, Gunn came down the stairs with Fred and asked what was going on and Angel told them everything.

"We have to get him back!" Cordelia pleaded.

"Yeah, but we don't even know anything about where this woman went." Gunn put in.

"I caught her license plate." Cordelia said.

"I'll get my contact on it." Angel said quickly. Then in a reassuring voice, "Don't worry, Cord. We'll get him back."

"Let's just hope we get him back before it turns dark." Gunn said looking out the window which showed that that time was not far behind.

-----------------------

The old woman was dozing off on her couch and snoring lightly. The television was still on from when she was watching a Spanish soap opera. In the dark living room was Wesley, still caged in his metal trap. Or perhaps…

'_Poof'._

Yes, evil vampire kitty was back, and on his face was what could only be described as an evil smirk.

"Hehehe…"

"Who was that?" the woman said, waking up.

"Meow, lady, now go back to sleep."

"Oh, it's only you, kitty." She said, as she closed her eyes and dreamed of talking cats with funny accents.


	5. I Shall Rule The World, Please

**Author's note: **This has nothing to do with the story but for people who watched Buffy, I have a question: How did she get her telekinetic communication thing that she has with Xander and Willow? And are they the only one or is there someone else too? I'd be grateful if someone can PM me the answer to this little trivia piece. Thanks!  
Oh, and if I got the facts wrong in this chapter about the vampire invite thing – my sis says it has to be the owner – please don't flame me about it. Thank you to those who've enjoyed it so far and reviewed!

**The story so far: **Wesley was taken into the custody of an old woman after she identifies him as her missing cat. Later that night, evil vampire kitty Wes! Grr…

**Chapter 5: I Shall Rule The World, Please**

Lindsey grumbled as he drove to his next destination. He was on the Special Projects Division and yet here he was running errands for Holland on small time cases of evictions and some other useless things. Maybe he should just quit and pursue his career as a small-time singer in some unknown bar. But seeing as he currently works in Wolfram and Hart, that would be like saying one day Lilah might be genuinely nice to him – never gonna happen; not in this lifetime or the next.

Lindsey parked next to an apartment building and took out the folder of his next client – Mrs. Fern, 63, lives alone with her cat, suing a diner for serving her meat in her vegetarian. Lindsey sighed and got out of the car, hoping to get it over with soon.

-------------

"Keh keh keh keh…"

The only lights on in the apartment were coming from the kitchen and tinkering sounds could be heard as pans and other utensils banged against each other. Wesley jumped up onto the countertop and opened the top cupboard, giving a tiny '_Eureka!_' when he found what he was looking for.

Jumping up to reach the ingredients, Wesley's tiny body bumped into the whole rack and little bottles of spices dropped loudly to the floor and rolled away in various directions, although thankfully none of them broke. Jumping off, Wesley went for the one labeled 'Prune Powder' and put it in his mouth, carrying it towards a mixture in a pot on the floor and dumping in the whole thing. A few seconds passed and nothing happened when suddenly it started to boil and steam without the necessity of fire. An evil laugh and something that sounded like 'bubble, bubble, toil and trouble' passed Wesley's lips as he watched with glee.

Incanting a few words, the overhead lights flickered momentarily before everything calmed back down. Wesley looked at his improvised potion – it's amazing what you can do with every day household ingredients – and smirked in approval, looking not unlike the Grinch while rubbing his paws together.

At that instant, there was a knock at the door. Wesley's head shot up but the old woman was still sleeping deeply. Turning his attention to the knock, Wesley blinked, and then slowly grinned. It seems he has found his first victim.

-------------

Lindsey waited by the door and was just about to knock again when it opened slowly, complete with the dramatic creaking. Coming inside, he found that it was mostly dark and no one greeted him. Lindsey sensed that something wasn't right but shrugged it off and called out, "Mrs. Fern? My name is Lindsey, I'm your lawyer. I'm here about the suit…" but before he could finish, he felt something fall hard on his head from behind and was instantly knocked out.

-------------

"According to my source, she should be living here in apartment 101a." Angel said. He and Gunn were staring at the building looming in front of them.

"Is this the same guy who recommended that magician of yours?" Gunn asked.

Angel looked a bit embarrassed before replying, "No, he's a P.I. – he's _legit_."

Gunn grimaced. "Ok, one – never _ever_ say it like that again and two, we might actually have to start doing some of this detective work ourselves."

Angel shrugged and at that moment, the passenger door opened and Cordelia got out with a determined look in her face, "Come on guys, what are you standing around for?" She walked past them before turning around and putting her hands on her hips.

"Cordy, you didn't have to come." Angel told her. "You should've stayed with Fred."

"What, and let you two dorks screw this up?" She said brashly. They looked at her with skepticism and after a few seconds, she caved. "Ok, I know you guys will all say that it wasn't my fault but, I still feel kinda responsible. I want to be there." She said.

Angel smiled and said, "Let's go get Wes."

-------------

Gunn broke the door down and he and Cordelia entered. Angel came afterwards but was stopped at the doorway by the barrier.

"Guys." Angel said.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Come in." Gunn said. Looking around, he said, "At least we know the old lady's still alive."

"Yeah, where is that old pet snatcher?" Cordelia said.

Suddenly, a voice boomed. "I'm afraid," it said, "she's a bit tied up at the moment." Just then, the lights flashed on and they saw Wesley perched on top of a high shelf looking down at them with a smug look.

He jumped down gracefully onto the floor, keeping his superior gaze fixed upon the group. "But she's fine… for now. You see, I have perfected the next phase of my master plan to rule the world. You _will _bow down before me eventually. Why not start now and skip all the unnecessary pain later?"

"Whatever. You're coming with us, cat." Gunn said.

"Hmm, quite a rogue one." Wesley tsked. Then, quickly narrowing his eyes, he said, "You will regret having angered me, all of you. I, the powerful, the mighty, the unbelievably adorable, will destroy you! When I rule this world, I will – hack!" He stopped abruptly.

"Hack?"

Wesley hissed. "I will – hack – will – hack! – wheeze."

Cordelia frowned. "Are you choking?"

""I will" wheeze "rain down" wheeze wheeze "indescribable" wheeze "terror!" Wesley finished, finally spitting out what was stuck in his throat.

It stopped a few feet in front of the group and Cordelia wrinkled her face and said repulsively, "Eww, fur ball!"

Wesley tasted his tongue a few times before saying, "Believe me, missy. No-one's more disgusted than I am."

"Get him!" Gunn shouted. They scrambled for him and in the confusion Gunn easily grabbed him and picked him up in his arms.

Wesley's eyes widened in surprise and he began to struggle. "Unfair! Unfair, unfair, do-over!"

"Hell no." Gunn said dramatically, trying to keep the squirming Wesley from escaping.

"Slave guy! Initiate Operation Take Out!" Wesley screeched.

"Slave guy? Who-"

Suddenly, the lights were switched off and the apartment was once again covered in darkness. Instantly, a cloud of foreign powder from an unknown source fell upon them in the masses, unconsciously making Gunn let go of Wesley in this momentary distraction.

"What the – achoo!" Gunn cut short what he was about to say as he sneezed loudly. That triggered a chain reaction from the group and it seemed as though they wouldn't be able to stop.

"It's pepper!" Angel choked out eventually.

"No, really? 'Cause I thought it was pixie dust!" Gunn said sarcastically.

The lights flashed on again, Cordy standing by the switch, and their sneezing gradually subsided into the occasional sniffling. "Where's Wes?" She asked at last. They looked around to find that he was nowhere to be seen and the dread came when they realised what happened.

Yes, he escaped.

"Damn." Said Gunn.

-------------

Lindsey entered his car and put on his seatbelt before driving off heading back to his place. Mrs. Fern was just going to have to wait for the moment – he had a world to help rule.

The tiny body in the passenger seat next to him continued its instructions. "And remember; don't let my body out during the day before I get rid of this soul."

"Alright, Wesley."

"It's '_Master_'. But since you're my first slave and my right-hand person, you get special honours." Wesley pondered before saying, "Call me… Tito."

"…"

"You don't think it's too flashy, do you?"

"Not at all. Very… yeah."

"…" Blink blink.

"…" Cough.

"…" Scratch scratch.

"…" Twitch.

"…Slave person?"

"Yeah?"

"Feed me."

"…Tuna?"

"Yech."


	6. Press 1 For World Domination

**Author's note: **I have an exam in seven half hours, and another half hour after. Sigh.

**The story so far: **Vampire kitty Wes – now named Tito – escapes with slave Lindsey as they plan to rule the world. Yikes!

**Chapter 6: Press 1 For World Domination, 2 for KiKi's Pet Store… **

Wesley opened his eyes slowly, his vision still blurry from sleep. He let out a wide yawn and suddenly felt the call of nature. He got up to go to the bathroom… only to be stopped by metal bars. He blinked rapidly and when everything finally cleared, found that he was in a cage.

_What…_ "Mew?"

"Up already? Here ya go, Wesley." A tiny plate was pushed through the metal door and before he realised what was happening, it was closed again.

Wesley followed the hand and looked up to see the face of one evil lawyer he never really thought he'd see again for at least some time. _Lindsey?_

"Miaow?"

"Can't let you out, Wes – boss's orders. Well, technically your orders but not in another… two hours." Lindsey said, reading his watch. He walked away to pick up his jacket before coming back to Wesley. As he was wearing it, he said, "Now, I'm going to work to pick up some stuff. Then, I'm going to do the errands _he _set out for me and I expect you to be here when I get back." He picked up his keys and before he left, said, "Don't do anything while I'm gone."

----

Angel entered the Hyperion and the others all turned to look at him expectantly.

"Do you have it?" Cordelia asked.

Angel held up a tiny wrapped package in his right hand and smiled. "Willow said all I have to do was sprinkle a bit of this on Wes and say the magic words."

"Which is?"

Angel let her take the package and took out a piece of paper from his pocket. Gunn grabbed it and peered at the writing.

"What the heck does all of this mean?"

Angel shrugged. "No idea. Although I do think she made some of those words up – she was giggling."

"Come on, that doesn't mean anything."

"Really? Read that line."

Gunn looked at where he pointed and read out, "Varsham varsham, deedyu no Dar Munn key pu ees stinn'ky… yeah, and?"

"Never mind" Angel said "but she did agree to help us under one condition."

"What is it?" Cordelia asked.

Angel smiled. "She wants pictures."

----

Wesley banged against the cage for the fifth time but still had no luck with getting anywhere. He stopped after two more tries and sat down. That's it, he was trapped. He had no way of going back to his friends and no idea of what his evil counterpart was doing _and_ why he was with Lindsey. This was turning into one giant nightmare.

He rested his head against the bars and sighed. Then, he realised something. Something that he was really going to mentally call himself stupid for he just cannot believe how stupid he was and glad that no one saw it. Wesley got up, and lifted the hatch.

Getting out of the cage, he searched for something – anything – that would help him. He found his answer when he saw the phone and quickly rushed up to it. Dialing the number for Angel Investigations, he prayed that someone was there to pick up.

----

The phone rang and Cordelia picked it up. "Angel Investigations, we help the…"

"Miaow!"

Cordelia stopped. "Wesley?"

That attracted the attention of the others and Angel swiftly asked for the phone. "Wes? Where are you? Okay. Stupid question. "Um… are you safe? Once for yes, twice for no."

"Miaow."

"Great – we're playing twenty questions with a cat over the phone." Gunn grumbled.

"Ah… are you in someone's home?"

"Miaow."

"Are you still in L.A.?"

Wesley thought about it. "…Miaow." …_Yes…_

"Ok, is it-"

"-Miaow?" …_Or no?_

Angel stopped. "Huh? Was that a second miaow?

"Miaow?" _Maybe? I don't actually know where he lives. For all I – um, I mean… hey, what's maybe? _"Miiaaow, maow mmeeoow mmew meww miaw."

"Wes, stop. Was that yes? Ok, yes it was, or yes it wasn't?"

"What?" Gunn said, getting confused.

"Yes what was?" Cordelia asked.

"Yes it was a yes." Fred said.

"What was yes?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Miaow?"

"Wes, which is it?"

"…"

----

Just for a second, Wesley was brain-dead.

He shook himself out of his reverie and was just about to speak when he heard keys jangle and the door open to reveal Lindsey. He immediately saw what Wesley was doing and picked it up to slam it back down on the receiver. Wesley tried to run away but Lindsey scooped him up easily.

Wesley had had enough. He narrowed his eyes at Lindsey and started, _Do you want to know what I think of you, Mr. MacDonald? I think you're a _'poof' "selfish arrogant pretentious narcissistic manipulative-"

"Tito-"

"Wait, I'm not done – conceited egotistical bigheaded and generally really bad bad lawyer." He finished with a nod. He saw the look Lindsey gave him and said simply, "I know what he's thinking – his words, not mine. Personally, I think you just need a haircut."

"Right, anyway…" Lindsey started, putting Tito down on the couch. "I got the ingredients things that you wanted – they'll be here tomorrow – and that meeting with Voldorth. But first, he wants to rate your 'evilness' level before the meeting."

"Are you serious?"

"Here are the forms." Lindsey said, handing him a stack of paper.

Tito looked at it. If cats had eyebrows, he was raising it. "_Someone_'s insecure."

"I don't think that's it." Lindsey said, remembering the screams behind closed doors while he was in the waiting room drinking stale coffee. _Would you like some more, sir? He'd be a while. _Lindsey shivered. "Anyway, I'm going to order pizza – what would you like?"

"Your blood, please."

"…So that's a pepperoni then." He said.

As Lindsey was dialing the number, Tito went on to finish the little test, levitating the pen to write across the piece of paper. Yes; yes; no; unlikely; your mama, who else? – scratch that – yes; b; c; c…

Before long, Tito finished the questions and at that moment, the doorbell rang. Lindsey went to answer it. "Wait here." Lindsey told the pizza delivery boy as he went off to get his wallet. Tito watched as Lindsey disappeared into his room before turning his attention back to the delivery guy. He entered one step into the apartment and was acting edgy. _Suspicious…_

Tito walked up closer to him to see what was up with him. The guy apparently never saw him as his eyes were fixed towards the bedroom. Slowly, he moved closer to a nearby table and was reaching for one of the drawers.

Tito's eyes narrowed. _No one steals from my slave._

----

Lindsey came back out to find that the man was gone. "Where's the pizza guy? And where did this bunny come from?" he said, seeing the little mammal looking lost and confused. Tito shrugged and returned to trying to feed the bunny a piece of lettuce.

Lindsey had a nagging suspicion it wasn't like that a few seconds ago but decided to leave it. Anyway, they're evil, right? "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I got your collar." Lindsey took out a tiny box from his breast pocket and opened it to reveal a sleek leather collar, a craftily embossed 'Tito' on the accompanying gold tag.

Tito turned his attention immediately at the mention of collar and his eyes widened impossibly large that Lindsey was afraid they were on the verge of popping out. Suddenly Tito jumped up to reach Lindsey's chest. "Woah." Lindsey said, as he reflexively caught Tito who had his paws wrapped around his neck.

But Tito wasn't paying attention as he kept his huge eyes on Lindsey face and gasped out, "I… love you."

As hehugged Lindsey and rubbed his face continuously against his jaw and let out deep-throated purrs, Lindsey cleared his throat and stood awkwardly, eyes darting here and there before looking downcast.

Finally he said, "This is so freakin' weird."

----

"Dammit, we still don't know where he is." Angel said. Right in the middle of Wesley's miaow frenzy, the connection was cut off suddenly and they were afraid that whoever had him had found him out.

"What are we going to do now?" Cordelia asked.

"Well… we can always trace the call; see where Wesley called from." Fred said.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. Great thinking, Fred." Angel said. Fred smiled timidly at the praise.

Angel went to the weapons cabinet and took out a sword. Picking his keys up from the table, he said "Let's go get Wes" before walking towards the doors.

Gunn looked around and said, "Is it just me, or did anyone else think déjà vu."

"He seriously needs some new lines." Cordelia agreed, taking up a blade as they all followed him.

----

After some time, Lindsey said "So, I guess I got the right one?"

Wesley nodded. "Affirmative, my faithful slave. But you're going to have to change the name."

"What?"

"It's Wesley now."

"Oh, so you've changed back?"

He snorted. "Pfft, after that geek? No, Wesley – the guy who plays 'Blade'. Now_ he_ was cool."

"Um, you do realise he kills vam…" cute-kitty-face-cute-kitty-face-aww-isn't-that-just-so-adorable-and-heartbreaking-my-god-look-at-those-eyes! "… I'll see if I can get it done today." Evil-scowling-kitty-face-golden-eyes-looking-right-into-your-soul-sinking-feeling-deeper-sharp-fangs-aahhh-please-don't-kill-me! "…Actually, I think I'll do it right now."

Wesley beamed.

----

Lindsey entered the pet store for the second time that day and the owner greeted him. "Ah, it's you again, sir. How may I help you this time?"

"Can I have another tag made? 'Wesley' for the inscription this time." Lindsey said.

"Sure. This for your cat?" the man asked casually.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" It was a surprise as usually people would think of him as a dog person.

"A hunch. You must really like each other."

"I guess." Hm, this guy is being a bit weird. "Anyway, when can I pick it up?"

"Two hours will be long enough."

"Great. Be back in two."

The man watched as Lindsey walked out the door and into the street once again. Further into the shop, an assistant joined him and said, "Do you think he knows there's a cat hanging 'round his neck?"

The man looked at his employee like as if he was a naïve kid and said, "Let it go, Pete. Just… let it go."


	7. In Memory Of

**The story so far: **The plan is in motion. Angel and the gang find out where Wesley is. 

**Chapter 7: In The Memory Of…**

'Once upon a time, many many years ago, it all began with a cat, and the cat was named Wesley. Coming from humble beginnings, its ambition had led it to conquer until all struggles were overcome. This is a journey of how it all began…'

"You know, it has to actually _be _history before it qualifies in the history books." Lindsey said, peeking at the words Wesley was typing on his laptop.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with planning ahead." Wesley said as he wrote about mansions and having millions of minions.

Lindsey scoffed and walked into the kitchen. When he returned, he said, "… Humble beginnings?"

Wesley stopped typing. He looked at Lindsey and before resuming, said "Gary, bite."

"Who's Ga- ow!" Lindsey jumped and looked down to see what bit him and found a rabbit hanging off his toe.

"…" Blink blink.

"Meet your partner." Wesley mumbled without looking up. Lindsey rubbed his toe and glared at the rabbit which just hopped away to the bathroom.

"Anyway, are you done with the forms?" Lindsey asked, picking it up and flipping through it quickly.

Wesley rolled his eyes. "Ugh, yes. Take it away. Before I change my mind about what I think of The Teletubbies." He said, and then gave an involuntary shiver.

"Where're you going?" Wesley asked when he saw Lindsey put on his jacket.

Lindsey stopped. "Contrary to popular belief, FedEx is entirely non-magical. Need to get this to the office before it closes."

"Fine, whatever." Wesley dismissed him. "Leave me, then." He added softly, and then gave the adorable eyes for good measure. It didn't work this time though.

Lindsey sighed. "I'll only be gone a few minutes. I'll bring you back something. Bye." With that he closed the door behind him and left Wesley alone in the apartment with Gary.

Wesley stayed in his spot, unsure of what to do. But just as he was about to play target practice with the rabbit, there was a knock on the door. "Hmmm, that was quick."

Suddenly the door burst open and Angel, Cordelia and Fred came rushing into the apartment. "There he is!" Cordelia said, pointing at Wesley.

"What the- arghh!" Wesley was cut short as Angel threw some dust at him and chanted gibberish. A small cloud of thick smoke enveloped Wesley, obstructing view of him completely. Patiently they waited.

"Shouldn't Wes appear like, now?" Cordelia asked worriedly. They looked on anxiously but no signs of hands or legs appeared. But then, finally, from the confines of the smoke, a fly escaped.

They all stared dumbfounded as it settled on the edge of the coffee table.

"Angel…" Cordelia looked at the fly then turned to face him, "what did you do!"

"What!"

"He's a fly!" she cried out. "How can you screw up!"

"I did it exactly as she told me to!" Angel said, exasperated.

As Angel and Cordy argued, Fred got eye-level with the table. "Um, Wesley. Hi. I don't know if you can understand me or not. Well, I guess you're feeling pretty freaked out an' all, or, um, are you? I'm not sure since you're, you know. No, don't-" Fred said when the fly turned around to face away from her. "I'm sorry, you must be pretty angry with us right now. Angel didn't mean to do this. We'll fix it. We're here for you. And, uh… oh, there you go."

The fly flew away to land on a newspaper lying open the couch. Fred followed it and sat on the other side, giving it space. She gave a little "Oh" when it flew in front of her before returning to the newspaper. She took it as 'apology accepted' and smiled at it, which is when she noticed something.

"Hey guys." She said, motioning for them to come to her. They stopped fighting and came towards her. She pointed towards the paper and whispered "Look. I think he's trying to tell us something."

They looked at the fly and realised that he was on top of the word 'plan' before moving and stopping on top of 'destruction'.

"Do you think someone's planning on destroying the world?" Fred asked.

"We can't be sure." Angel said. "Wes. Who's trying to destroy the world?"

The fly stayed there rubbing its legs together for a while that they thought it wouldn't do anything else when suddenly it flew to the bottom page of the newspaper in the advertisement section.

"A clown?" Cordelia asked. "That's who's doing this?"

"I never liked McDonald's." Fred commented.

"MacDonald!" Angel said, then clarifying, "Lindsey. This is his place too; it's him."

Just then the door opened. "Guess who I found wandering a few blocks away." Gunn said, shoving a disgruntled Lindsey into the apartment while holding his hands behind his back. At the same time, the fly flew from its rest position towards Gunn. "Hey, what's this fly buzzing around?" Gunn said, waving his hand to shoo it away.

Angel's eyes widened when he realised what he was about to do. "Gunn, no, don't-!"

SWWAAPP!

"Noooo!" They all shouted.

"What, what!" Gunn asked, confused. Angel pushed him away and dropped to his knees besides the fly.

"Oh my god, you just killed Wes!" Cordelia told him in horror.

Fred was hyperventilating. "I think - I think I'm going to faint..."

Gunn was taken aback. He stared at them in disbelief but their faces showed no humour. He looked at Angel grieving by the fly and frantically shook his head while saying 'no' repeatedly. Lindsey fell to his knees speechless, the prospect of running away leaving his mind. Fred was crying uncontrollably while being held up by Cordelia, who was only able to stand because she was still in shock. The fly was dead! Wes was… All the moments, the days they shared as a team. To be killed, simply. How… why…

Meanwhile…

The cloud of smoke finally drifted apart and a cat scrunched up its nose after the assault. Wesley looked around him at the hysterical humans and rolled his eyes. He got the gist of it from what they could get out and trotted up to Angel who still leaning over the insect. "Sheesh, yeah, we all love the fly. Get over it already."

"Wesley!" Fred exclaimed, the tears instantly stopping.

Wesley finally realised his situation and said "Um, no, I'm James; I think he went that- miaow!" Angel caught him before he could escape and deposited him on the couch.

Lindsey stood up. "Now that was embarrassing." He said casually.

"You-" Gunn grabbed him and forced him to sit on a chair, daring him to move. Turning to the others, he said, "How come the spell didn't work?"

"We're not sure." Cordelia answered. Looking back at the scowling cat, she said "But we still have to do something about this."

----

"So, you're his slave?" Cordelia asked.

"Yep." Lindsey said.

Cordelia sat down next to him. "But you still do whatever you want."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you still wear your expensive clothes?"

Lindsey shrugged. "He's got high standards."

"You go out? Work or something?"

"Sure, have to keep my cover up, and he gives me things to do."

"Are you allowed to talk like whenever?"

"I guess, yeah." Lindsey answered suspiciously.

"Do you end every sentence with 'yes, master'?"

"Well, he told me to call him Tito, though I guess it's Wesley now. Look, what are you getting at?" he asked.

"Right. So you dress like a million dollars, still have a life besides tending to his every beck and call, and allowed to voice your own opinions. I'm sorry, how are you his slave again?"

"Well I... Hm."

----

"Let's negotiate." Angel said.

"You tried to kill me."

"Just get rid of you to get Wes back, it's not the same thing."

Wesley scowled. "Tell that to the jury."

Angel sighed. "So you want to rule the world, right?"

"Affirmative." Wesley said impassively.

"That's kinda unoriginal. It only hasn't been tried a million times."

"But I'll succeed, so it's different." Wesley answered smugly.

"After you rule the world, then what? Where do you see this going after five years?"

Wesley leaned back on the couch. "Well, the usual - mayhem, death, destruction."

Angel scoffed. "That's hardly useful. I mean yeah, if it's your enemy's turf, maybe. But since you rule everything, that kinda defeats the purpose, don't you think?"

"What do you mean? And will you – stop – taking – pictures! What is this!" There was one more click and flash before Gunn pocketed his camera. Wesley glared at him and he walked away with an innocent look.

"It's not all glamorous as they show it to be." Angel continued. "They're gonna want benefits."

"You can just not give it to them." Lindsey said. Cordelia slapped him on the upside of his head.

"Yeah." Wesley agreed.

Fred put in. "Well, dissatisfied people means lots of trouble, like revolutions! And you'll have to take in charge of everything."

"Yeah, boring much?" Cordelia said.

"My advice? Don't rule the world; it's all budget plans and conflict." Angel told him.

Wesley seemed to look like he was thinking it over. Then he said, "What you all seem to forget, of which I will gladly remind you, is that they will be my slaves, and by magic. Free will? I don't think so. Now…" Wesley stood up where he sat. He looked around before saying dramatically, "Ladies and gentlemen… goodnight." Before anyone was able to interpret what he said, a purple cloud of smoke covered him and when it dissipated a few seconds later, Wesley had disappeared. His second escape.

"Dammit." Angel said.

"Now how are we supposed to find him?" Gunn asked. However, as soon as those words were said, a shout was heard from outside.

"Oh my god, it's Warlock! My poor baby!"

"Warlock…" Fred said. "Isn't that…"

"The old woman!" Cordelia said. They all rushed towards the window and sure enough the old woman was outside with Wesley in her arms looking dazed, probably from the effects of his spell. "We have to get him!"

"Let's go." Angel said.

----

"Now don't you worry my little bundle of joy; I'm here to take you home."

"Stop right there, lady!" Cordelia shouted. The whole gang came out of the apartment building breathing hard but all with determined looks.

"It's you again." The woman said with malice. "Why don't you just leave us be."

"That's our cat." Cordelia said.

"Well, we don't actually own him." Fred said. "He is his own person, or cat."

"Well, we want him back." Cordelia reached for Wesley and before long a fight broke out.

"Gunn." Angel said after a while.

Gunn looked at him and shrugged. "You saying you don't want this on film?" he said as he took more pictures.

----

_Back in Sunnydale…_

"Oh."

"What is it, Willow?" Giles asked, putting down his paper.

Willow looked at him worriedly. "It's just that the spell I gave Angel was supposed to be slow-acting? Do you think I should have told them?"

Giles gave a knowing nod. "Ah, don't worry." Returning to his paper, he said "I'm sure they'll figure it out."

----

"He's mine!" screeched the old woman.

"No way, lady, Wesley is-"

Suddenly another cloud of smoke surrounded Wesley, making the woman let go of him. It was as big as the first time and everyone held their breaths as it began to disappear. And then, standing in the middle, was a very much naked Wesley. When he realised his lack of attire, he quickly moved to cover himself with his hands.

He cleared his throat and said, "Well now, isn't this pleasant."


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

World domination had been averted and everything was back to normal. Well, as normal as can be. They still had Wesley's vampirism to deal with which unfortunately couldn't be vanquished with a simple potion. He was still adjusting to living life Angel's way.

"Well, I had a rabbit as a pet, so I couldn't have been all that bad." Wesley said, petting the said rabbit in his arms.

"I don't know, man." Gunn said. "Planning on throwing the world into chaos and destruction? That pretty much qualifies on my list of bad."

"What happened to Lindsey?" Wesley asked.

"Oh, we left him alone. He gets a 'get out of jail free' card for being under a spell." Gunn told him.

"Ah." Wesley said. When Gunn turned away, Wesley shifted the position of the rabbit in his arms so he could rub at the custom fit bracelet - previously a collar - that he was hiding beneath his sleeves. He looked down to see the bunny nibbling on the tag with the words 'Wesley' on it and smiled. "My slaves…" Wesley whispered.

"What?" Gunn asked.

Wesley glanced up. "Nothing; you must be hearing things." Gunn looked at him skeptically but decided to let it go. He walked away and Wesley added in a low voice, "Egg boy."

"Did you say something, Wes?"

Wesley looked concerned. "No. Really, Gunn. I think you should get your ears checked." Gunn turned away and Wesley murmured. "I'm surprised you can hear anything with all that yolk in your head."

Wesley smiled when Gunn looked his way again.

--------

_500 years later…_

"…And so children, that concludes our history lesson today. Tomorrow we'll continue at page 416 of the book 'The Great Conquest' written by our great Master himself. Yes, Jeremy, what is it?" the teacher asked.

The child lowered his hand and said, "Yeah, miss. I don't get it. So this all started from a leaf that fell out of someone's pocket?"

The End

* * *

Yay! My first completed long fic. When I started, this was never meant to be in the humour genre (evident from the start of the first chapter) but when the words are flowing, it's better to run with it. I'd like to thank everybody for reading and reviewing. Love you lots! Last chapter (6) reviewers (whose review didn't put a stake through my heart and twisted it oh so hard I might as well do a re-enactment of Wesley's death scene. Ok, so it wasn't that bad but still. It made me a bit blue TT) – Ruth Quist, Imzadi, KellyTheSelfToastablePopTart, Elizabeth Bartlett, Mollie R. Moonie. Thanks again! I'd send you all muffins but since I can't, I'll just eat it in your names. : ) 


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